What is happiness? Something that everyone on this earth is searching for. Most people tie love in with happiness, meaning that you need to be in love to be happy. For a long time, i thought this was the case. I was one of those girls that needed to be loved by someone in order to feel happy or complete. All i have ever wanted was to be in love. The thing is though, love is over rated especially when it lets you down. You can love someone with all of your heart, but that doesn't mean it will complete you, or make you happy. Graduating high school, is what it really took to find myself, and that can be said for most people. I think most can say they finally have established themselves as a person, without caring what anyone thinks of them by the end of their senior year. It's sad that you don't really go through high school with that much confidence in who you are. But this is to all of those who are insecure about themselves. Life is so much better when you stop caring about what people think of you. Being at a place in my life where i don't have anything to prove to anyone is the best feeling in the world. Every single experience in your life shapes you into that stronger more confident person. Such as getting your heartbroken. Again people tie love in with happiness. Just because a love ends does that mean you need to be sad? That's usually the case right? It was the case for me, but it changed me into such a better person. It was the biggest lesson and blessing in my life. It was a heartbreak in my relationship, and my friendships. You can't live your life to make other people happy...it's impossible. You'll never be able to please everyone and as soon as you remove those expectations of yourself off your shoulders, you find they never really needed you to try to make them happy. I look back on myself a year ago, and yes i was the happiest i ever thought i had been. Until i wasn't. I look at that girl who thought she had it all. The best friends, the boyfriend, a team leader, I was on top of the world so to speak. Then i realized those friendships were fake...they were always putting me down, myself esteem was shot, and no matter how hard i tried i wasn't good enough. I went my own direction. Became friends with so many more people than the "eshelles" because i finally discovered there was so much more out there. It was hard to walk away, but it's so much better that i did. Those girls will always be my sisters...my team but they weren't the kind of friends i needed in my life. When my relationship came to a halt at about the same time, i didn't know what to do with myself. I became depressed. Because i lost everything i thought i needed to be happy. I tried so hard to be everything i thought everyone wanted me to be. I wanted to make everyone i "cared" about happy. Which really is impossible. Then in about April the greatest thing in the world happened. Suddenly i was just me. Liv. I have friends i don't need to prove anything to. And I'm alone. But the thing is...you have no one in this life but yourself. You can't count on anyone....but YOU! I made it a point to turn my life around for me. I found a job I'm good at, I'm appreciated there. I've made a friends that i can see being in my life forever. I started working on my body with clean and healthy eating, working out a lot, and I've never looked or felt better. My body was something i was always self conscious about, but now I am so comfortable in my own skin even if it's not perfect to other people...it's perfect to me. I can spend an entire day alone, and have the best day ever!
...That's the key to happiness. Is finding yourself. If you aren't comfortable in who you are and if you don't love yourself, how can others love you? Confidence is beautiful. What can you offer someone in a relationship if you only trying to make them happy? What about you? You should be living to make yourself happy and being able to make someone else happy too should just be a bonus. I am so grateful for the experience i had of being down on myself because I've never been more proud of who i am. I hope everyone can know what it's like to find themselves. I'm beautiful, your beautiful and that's all that matters right? I don't care what i look like to other people...which is something that usually tears most girls apart. But in all reality it doesn't matter. Because the people that do matter already know your beautiful. Your family knows, your friends know, and that one lucky guy knows that you are beautiful. Just like me. I don't care what bad things someone else has to say about me because they aren't true. If someone has to say bad things about someone else it just shows that they aren't confident in who they are..and that's their loss.
I may not have everything i want in life. But I'm on the path to getting there. I'm going to college, and I'm going to become something great, I'm going to take care of myself, I have friends that love me for me, my family is proud of me, and one day I'll have someone to share my life with and give my full self to. Maybe I've already met him, and maybe I wont know him for a long time. But all i know is if you're already happy, anyone and anything that finds you is only going to better you...because nothing and no one can ever bring you down once you find that state of loving yourself. I'm writing this to all those people who feel "lost" and who are trying so hard to make everyone around them happy and I'm telling you.
.....you're not going to make anyone else happy if your not happy. Work on yourself before you try to please others. Again because if you don't love who you are, how can others love who you are? Life is such a beautiful thing. The ups the downs. Everything is so beautiful. The laughs, the tears, the aches, the pains, the memories, the burdens, smiling, it's all what makes you, you. Live for yourself, and you'll find everything your looking for...just like I will one day. Here's to you, here's to me...because we're happy!
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